Brittany

25 sentences

2007-01-28T00:48:11Z

25 sentences about you

Finish the sentences:

1. I've come to realize that...I have a lot to improve about myself

2. I am listening to.....Iron Chef America

3. I talk...too fast sometimes

4. I love...God

5. My best friend(s).....is like a sister to me....oh, and the guy one is like a husband to me haha

6. My new years resolution is to...come up with a New Year's Resolution

7. Ive lost...almost all appreciation for UW-River Falls

8. I hate it when people.....are close-minded and disrespectful

9. Love is....something everybody needs

10. Marriage is....hopefully something that will happen within the next 10 years of my life

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking....about ME...just kidding.

12. I'll always be....metal \m/

13. I have a crush on....Captain Jack Sparrow

14. The last time I cried was....during my spinal tap. Crying rarely happens anymore, even though I need it to.

15. My cell phone.....in my hoodie pocket

16. When I wake up in the morning.....I stumble around in a stupor for quite some time

17. Before I go to sleep at night I.....think about too many things and then become an insomniac

18. Right now I am thinking about.....how I am lonely and do not want to return to school except for my job.

19. Babies are....something I'd like to make one day.

20. I get on myspace.....more than I should.

21. Today I....went grocery shopping.

22. Tonight I will...try to make myself do my homework and not forget any of the immense amount I have.

23. Tomorrow I will....make blueberry waffles from scratch

24. I really want.....summer to be here.

25. The person who most likely to repost this is...Adonijah :P

Repost this as "25 sentences about you"

FKDLGLDKFSJGLSDKRGJLSERJG

2007-01-25T01:24:30Z

I'M GOING TO CORNERSTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

brittany_mac @ 2007-01-15T14:52:00

2007-01-15T20:58:54Z

Top 5 (stolen from Adonijah...my movies are in no particular order, and as for guilty pleasures I didn't do it for movies...I just did it in general)

Movies
1) Donnie Darko
2) Anchorman
3) V for Vendetta
4) Edward Scissorhands
5) LOTR trilogy
Guilty Pleasures
1) Bubble baths
2) Collecting good smelling candles
3) Pretty toes (even though I hate, HATE feet with an absolute passion)
4) Food Network. Food Network. FOOD. NETWORK.
5) 80's music. And a great deal of oldies. I have been known to blast it in my car and sing along.

I tag: whoever else reads this and hasn't done it...too lazy to try to figure out this tagging thing :)

Booo

2007-01-10T21:38:33Z

Today and yesterday, my body has not been doing so great...but I think today's pain/tiredness/weakness is stemming from yesterday's pain/tiredness/weakness which also caused me to get almost no sleep. Unfortunately, I have to get up early tomorrow to work with the screaming kids for 5 hours, so I hope that goes well...

I am really wanting to go to Cornerstone so my mom better let me go hehe. Also, the people who I'm organizing this with need to confirm, and once THAT happens I hope no one backs out (especially after tickets are bought). There are some great bands going and the experience sounds awesome...there are some people I'd love to meet up with too. So I'm praying she'll be understanding that I will be safe, 20 years old at the time, and that I am dying to go :) I think she's mostly worried about me medically, and being mostly with guys, which is understandable...but I can take care of myself.

I am kind of worried in the medical aspect about it...not necessarily that something will go horribly wrong, but I don't know how much my body can take anymore. I know that I can't mosh anymore because my balance and strength is shot (I am trying to slowly incorporate more exercise in my life to build endurance) and even head banging drains me almost instantly. It sucks having to stand around at shows, but I'd much rather not be in severe pain or make a fool of myself by falling right away and then looking hurt...yes, I feel embarrassed when I look like a wuss at shows :P I would love to go all out at the shows I want to see, but I know I should be smart and take it easy to avoid any accidents. Blahhh.

Well that's about it...oh, and I've started reading my Bible again and praying more..it feels much better. Lets hope this isn't a repeat of my mountain-valley lifestyle lately when it comes to time devoted to God.

God bless!

2006 in summary

2007-01-05T03:31:25Z

Stole this from Adonijah...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Hmmm...sold a game console? Its something I never thought I'd ever do that's for sure :P

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make resolutions because I never keep them...not like I make ones that are all that hard to keep anyway. I'm bad at resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I was not close to him, but I loved my great uncle very dearly...all of my family over in Michigan rocks, especially the ones I see the most (the really old ones).

5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't visit any other country, though I wish I did.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A new car with doors that stay shut?

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Mmmm...I wouldn't say I can remember the dates, but there are things that happened throughout the year that I won't forget. Mostly doctor related haha.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making the dean's list both semesters and earning Freshman Merit, I guess.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I baked a batch of cookies and screwed up by accidentally using light margarine. I felt like a dingus. I don't take my baking/cooking failures lightly :P

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Aaaaahahaha..I'm not even going to answer this one :D

11. What was the best thing you bought?
IPod! I've only got a little over 1,000 songs on it now, but I have only had it for less than a week...it is beautiful.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My doctors (all of em) for being so cool (though pokey) and my friends for being so supportive.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
A friend of mine who can't seem to get certain things through her head that nearly everyone is telling her...long story...

14. Where did most of your money go?
That's what I'd like to know.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Sonshine Fest....then it was terrible and one of the worst times of my summer which is the complete opposite of what I planned.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
I hate these questions so I'm not going to do it :)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Same I suppose.
b) thinner or fatter? The same? A couple months ago I was pretty sickly/skinny thanks to getting pretty sick, but luckily I put on some pounds since then and have maintained.
c) richer or poorer? I'd say the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Go to church...if only there were one closer to me that I didn't feel out of place at...

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worry...I can't help it, I worry about everything (partly why I have such a hard time sleeping).

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Isn't this supposed to be a recap survey? I spent it with my dad's side of the family at our house, a.k.a. the fun side :)

21. How will you be spending New Years?
I SPENT New Year's Eve alone with my dog because I forgot about calling people til it was too late. We watched the Metalocalypse Marathon and had Christmas cookies.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Nope. Not even close.

23. How many one-night stands?
Lets see...that's 3 times 365...just kidding, none.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't really know...I still love Family Guy, Futurama, and Family Dad. My guilty pleasures would have to be Biggest Loser and America's Next Top Model (that last one I like more for laughs than anything else though, and some of the shoots are pretty cool actually).

25. Hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate people. But I will say I hate fruit flies more than I did last year because they infested our kitchen pretty bad.

26. What was the best book you read?
I read so many good books this year I can't even begin...and my list is still pretty long. I'm a bookworm.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Refer to # 26. Replace "read" with "discovered" and "good books" with "good bands" and get rid of that last sentence.

28. What did you want and get?
An iPod.

29. What did you want and not get?
A job...

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Mmmm I liked quite a few...boy, I was indecisive in 2006 wasn't I?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I honestly can't remember. I'm pretty sure I went to Khan's Mongolian BBQ, but did nothing spectacular. Birthdays are just like regular, ho-hum days for me now. I turned 19.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Feeling satisfaction in where I stand as a Christian...I feel like I have failed God more than my share this year :(

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
A little more feminine than last year, but still different than the mainstream...but still college kid and metal kid. If I lost that I'd have to kick myself in the face.

34. What kept you sane?
A very select number of friends, and despite my struggles, God.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp...Captain Jack Sparrow=hottest person alive.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don't know if anything in particular stirred me a lot...I just react to it as it comes.

37. Who did you miss?
Many friends who I've fallen out of contact with/grown apart from

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Boy, I can't think of anyone offhand, so I must not have met anyone all that spectacular this year :D

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
I have been through many trials, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, but no matter what God will ALWAYS be there for me. These trials have strengthened my faith, even though I feel like it has been weakened. It seems like a trivial revelation, but after some trying times I realized how blessed I truly am and thankful that I have had the difficult times (which could be much worse) to help me grow.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Ummmm I thought I said I hate questions like this...SO STOP IT ALREADY >=( Haha just kidding...I'm terrible at picking song quotes so I'm going to have to pass.

Please, think of the gingers.

2006-12-30T05:50:43Z

Come support soulless, ugly, vile gingers like me...help raise awareness!

Can't take us anywhere!

2006-12-22T14:59:30Z

So last night for my mom's birthday dinner, my dad, mom, sis and I went to the St.Paul Hotel for a "5 course" tea and radio show of "It's a Wonderful Life." SPH is a VERRRRY ritzy place so this was pretty expensive...we're all dressed up and very hungry because it doesn't start until 7 pm...when we get in the room, our table is right next to the stage. Perfect! The show was like those old radio shows where a guy would do all the sound effects and people would read out the story...it was pretty cool actually.

Anywho, we look down and see our appetizers are already served...a scone, and 4 little one-bite things like duck on some cracker, a tiny phyllo cup with king crab, etc. But wait...what does our menu say? THIS is our "5 course" meal. I was wondering what my dad was saying since I never thought tea came with big meals...but apparently he misunderstood. We all think this is hysterical, especially since everyone else doesn't seem phased by this so they must be regulars to this type of thing.

During the show, I keep noticing my dad eating the brown sugar cubes they had on a tray...I thought maybe he was just THAT hungry, or making a point that he was shocked he wasn't getting some big fancy meal. So during an intermission, we ask him why he's eating them and he said "I'm so hungry and all there is to eat are the gingersnaps!" We're confused, then look at the menu and see the final "course" includes gingersnaps...so we explain to him they are brown sugar cubes and we get another good laugh :D

We eventually DID get gingersnaps and a couple other tiny cookies...and an onion tartelette (sp? I'm not fancy!) and surprisingly, I wasn't too famished by the time I got home. At least the one bite foods we had were delicious. Oh, and poop did come up in conversation towards the end during the second intermission...of course hahaha.

Can't wait to tell the rest of the yooper family at Christmas!

Thank You, Father

2006-12-16T22:53:50Z

I am so blessed...so blessed beyond belief.

I worked the toy shelf today. As always, I was so amazed at these people. Some were missing teeth. Some were in their work clothes, looking like they were on their lunch break or had just come from a particularly long shift. Yet they still smiled, told me stories about their children, admired the toys, clothes, and games they had picked out. More than once, an item they did not pick out almost worked its way into their bags, or stocking stuffers were put in the bags and they didn't know they got those too. Did they keep it quiet and score another gift? No. They would stop me and say "I think you accidentally put another gift in there. I don't want to take something that someone else can use." These people have so little, and they still are thinking of others. As always, the toy shelf opened my eyes wider to the real world that my brothers and sisters live in.

I was moved to tears by a post on the FLA boards asking everyone to keep me in their prayers...and I remember how my dad's fire station often posts updates in their newsletters and asks for their thoughts and prayers. I have supportive friends, who may not be Christian but support me nonetheless. I have a couple Christian friends who constantly pray for me. I have my doctors, all 3+ of them haha who don't treat me as a patient, but as a loved friend. My mom said she saw pain on my doctor's face when he knew he was hurting me during the spinal tap. I decided I am going to write him a letter thanking him for all he has done the past couple years I've known him.

I could go on and on about how blessed I am...I have been thinking about that so much lately. My Father always provides for me and I can always find comfort in Him. I pray I can stop letting Him down and start living for Him more than ever.

God bless <3

Oh, Professor....

2006-12-05T18:08:10Z

So after journalism today, I was the last one in the room with the prof cuz I was busy putting on all my winter garb. This is the same professor that is a really picky grader and gives us extremely hard tests, so I often talk to him about stuff I can do to ensure a good grade. I just handed in a 9 page paper last week, and we are to get them back Thursday. The point of this story? He said something I found really funny:

"Now, I have noticed your obsessive-compulsive tendancies, so let me tell you, you did very well on your paper."

Ahahahahha. So I tend to worry a bit about grades and talk to my professors about improving them though I may not need to. Didn't know that made me obsessive-compulsive :P But hey, at least I apparently did well on the paper!

Now its only a matter of how well I can do on this last one that will be beastly I'm sure....;)

T-Break

2006-11-26T20:17:33Z

I can't believe break is almost over...mine was pretty low key, since I had to lay on the couch for a good chunk of it...despite spending almost the whole day lying down after my spinal tap, I was hit with a spinal headache during Thanksgiving dinner and have been getting them off and on since then...which sucks. I hope they go away soon so I don't have to go back to the doctor's.

Anyway, T-Day was fun. I spent the morning baking and cooking, which I love, and we went to my aunt's house for dinner. And yes, Adonijah, there was much poop and other Yooper talk hahaha. I actually started it...we were not even 10 minutes into dinner and my cousin was saying how the dog should get a plate and his sis said the dog would get sick, and I merely agreed with her and said I just read how turkey skin gives them diarrhea. It all went downhill from there hahaha. Gotta love all the talk about poop, farts, innuendos and so on that never fails to come up at family dinners.

Winter break starts in like, four weeks...only three more weeks of classes, then finals. I can't believe how fast this semester flew by. I'm already worried about my grades, because there hasn't been much homework to compensate for my not-all-that spectacular test grades in a couple classes. I know I always get worried about grades, but this time around I'm even more nervous. Hopefully, I'll be able to really get it together the last few weeks and do awesome on finals.

That's about it...hope you all had wonderful Thanksgivings :) God bless!

brittany_mac @ 2006-11-22T15:26:00

2006-11-22T20:26:01Z

I've been rather lazy with this thing lately...oopsie poopsie!

I'm actually only updating since I'm stuck on this stupid couch all day so I don't get a massive headache from spinal fluid leakage or something...technically, I don't know how the headache happens haha I just know that I need to lay with my feet elevated above my head for the day. Oh the lovely spinal tap :)

It was extremely painful when they inserted the needle...no numbing agents or pain killers this time around. I had laughing gas though. Let me repeat a little of what went on according to my mom...I only remember snippets of it haha:

*needle is inserted (pain, I remember)*
Me: "ffffFFFFFFFFFF**kkkkkkkkkk...OOPS SORRY!" (I never swear, and my parents, doc, nurse, and two med students were all present haha)
*a few minutes elapse, laughing gas REALLY kicks in*

Me:"Hey guys...this is startin' to feel pretttty good..."
Doc: "Oh is it now?"
Me: "Haha yeahhhhh...I think I found my happy place!" (The nurse or SOMEONE kept talking about finding/going to my happy place...that must have been why I said that)
Me: *begins to giggle uncontrollably. I absolutely could not stop myself*

Then they decided now would be a good time to joke around with me in my doped up state:

Doc: So where were you the tuesday after Halloween??
Me: I don't know!! *starts to giggle some more*
Mom: Where do you REALLY go when you say you're at Caribou (that's a coffee chain here) and don't pick up your phone?
Me: But I DO go to the Bou!
Doc: Keep her laughing, it makes it drip faster.

That's pretty much the chunks my mom told me about haha. I vaguely remember most of it, but I mostly just remember laughing...good times, good times. Thought I'd enlighten you with that :) Well I'm out. God bless!

brittany_mac @ 2006-09-28T19:49:00

2006-09-29T00:54:48Z

My nerve biopsy went very well yesterday...I was relaxed for most of it (except the actual nerve extraction part, OUCH) and the recovery has been excellent...fast just like they said, and the pain hasn't been all that bad. I'm glad it went so well and that I didn't freak out like I thought I would...I didn't even cry like I do before regular surgeries when they put me to sleep :P

However, today because of ONE class...one single class, I've become stressed about school...amazing how easily I get like this. Perhaps I have some anxiety thing? It's my journalism/mass communications class...I am so depressed at how difficult it is to get a decent grade on ANYTHING in that class because he is so meticulous...and we have our first exam next week. Vocab on tuesday, textbook on Thursday, and a 250 point (!!!!!!) paper due Thursday as well on a book we just read. While I think I can write a decent paper, that's decent for most professors. I think he will give me a C or much less on it, honestly, based on how he grades simple things such as article summaries...

I really think I do need to get myself checked out since I get stressed so easily...my oncologist has recommended a psych-something (ologist or iatrist, I don't remember haha) so maybe I'll bring it up on Tuesday amongst all the other stuff we must discuss...*sigh* I don't want to but I think I should finally bring it up. Boooooo.

I've also been feeling a little bit stronger in my faith, though I don't know why...I just feel like the flame has slightly, ever so slightly, gotten brighter...keep me in your prayers that it keeps growing!

brittany_mac @ 2006-09-20T19:36:00

2006-09-21T00:36:27Z

I had a great day with my two best girlfriends from here at school...it was really refreshing :) So far, school has not stressed me out, and even the medical stuff that normally would (not having a clue what's going on, especially) I'm just being relaxed about...thank you everyone for the prayers, I know that without God I would not be feeling this way. Although my relationship with Him is still far from where it needs to be, I know that He is working through me to keep me peaceful and doing well pain wise...I know I have meds for that, but it was so severe before that my doctor expected I'd need to have a high dosage and luckily, I'm only using the minimum and don't have pain very much or as strong anymore. Thank you guys again, and of course, thank you Father!

brittany_mac @ 2006-09-12T15:42:00

2006-09-12T20:46:07Z

I learned in Environmental Studies that the US accounts for 5% of the world population. We also account for 25% of the use of the world's resources. That sickens me.

Nice opening right? Haha. Anywho, my classes are actually going well...really well. I wasn't looking forward to most of them but even though I've only had each a couple times by now, I enjoy them and the professors already. I don't think it will be as intense as I thought before, but I do know they will all keep me busy. The least interesting so far is bio cuz she's not good at speaking, but at least it doesn't seem like it will be too difficult..and all my other profs are really friendly, good at keeping attention and starting GOOD discussions, and informative...love it :) I hope I don't let myself get to myself and wind up stressed haha.

God bless!

sigh

2006-09-02T03:19:43Z

Shortly after my last update, my mom came in to fill me in on the phone call with my doc cuz Wednesday there was a clinic with a bunch of neurologists, radiologists, oncologists...lots of "gist" doctors haha. And I guess I was a hot topic hehe..but this is what went down:

-I can stop my medication since it isn't working. So yay for that!
-Instead of being shipped to Maryland, it would be Indianapolis. More on that in a sec.
-Spinal tap will be performed by my doc as before.
-MS doctor has to talk with my neurologist to justify me getting a biopsy done...
-Will stay on Neurontin to help with the pain, which has been helping a bit but I think I'm going to see if they can up the dosage.

Anywho, about the Indianapolis thing...basically, the drug is not yet FDA approved or something like that, but I would basically be a test subject and they'd monitor how well it does it's job. It wouldn't have side affects like my other stuff did so it wouldn't make me tired, but I'd have to have my blood counts monitored because it can mess with that, it can mess with my bone density, and it can maybe mess with my heart so that would need to be monitored too. I was like uhhh what the crap I don't want to do that, but my mom said my doc sounded pretty confident about this drug (which is the less toxic of my two treatment options) so I guess the side affects I mentioned aren't something to get TOO worked up about...I guess I'll get more info on it later, and I'm also going to research the two drugs when I get the names of them from my mom. I wouldn't mind doing this program I guess, because I could wind up helping kids everywhere if they find this drug helps...I just really don't like the timing as I've been saying lately...I don't know how long I'd be down there or when I'd go...

Well there's another long update...God bless and keep up the prayers <3

brittany_mac @ 2006-09-01T14:59:00

2006-09-01T20:07:52Z

Man, I feel so behind schedule getting ready for school. I have to go school shopping tonight at Target with my mom, and then this weekend I have to pack everything up since I sort of haven't started doing any of that...oooops 0:)

My lame face MS doctor decided I do need a spinal tap after all because he wants to check my protein levels or something. What a liar, he said I didn't need one pffffft...dunno when I'm getting it, but it sucks that I have to have this and a biopsy when school is started. I'm trying hard to not let it get to me though.

I went to the State Fair a couple days ago and man, I look foward to it every year. I have to say MN has one of the best state fairs in the country. Okay, so I've never been to any other ones haha but the news says we have one of the top rated ones and I agree...I love just walking around with a friend or two looking at all the booths and animals and eating good food. If you don't live in MN but are in the area for the week before Labor Day I highly suggest coming :) You can get anything you want on a stick, pretty much. Except Rocky Mountain Oysters...those didn't get in this year. Sorry :(

brittany_mac @ 2006-08-23T16:05:00

2006-08-23T21:05:35Z

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=231358>1=7701

All I have to say is: haha :)

brittany_mac @ 2006-08-15T16:29:00

2006-08-15T21:41:02Z

Gross, my EMG was not fun. They stuck needles in me this time too and that was painful. But I wasn't as responsive I guess, so that's not too great but not a huge thing to worry about. It just shows that I also have neuropathy, and I'm not quite sure what it is...the doc explained it to me and I guess it's like inflammation of the nerves or something...anywho, for someone who has NF1 like me it's very rare to also have neuropathy..it occurs only in 2.3% of NF1 patients. Now, it could be either neuropathy seperate from my NF, or in addition to my NF, and whichever it is would influence what treatment I would need. So to find out where it's coming from, I have to get a nerve biopsy done (should be next month some time). I have to be AWAKE!! Holy crap I've never been awake for any surgery and even though it's a short in-and-out procedure and they'd numb the area, OUCH they're gonna be flipping slicing off a hunk of nerve! Yeeeesh. So that kinda sucks that I need to get that done, especially since it will make me lose feeling in my foot forever (not all of it, just a portion) and there are a couple other small risks (pretty rare though) but I think it is the best option rather than jumping into treatment.

I just looked down at my leg and saw there's still dried up goo on there from the EMG and it looks like elf boogers. I'm going to go clean it off :) Have a glorious day everyone, God bless! I'm sorry all my posts are boo-hoo, poor me and my medical problems, but I guess I don't really talk about it elsewhere and it's easier to write it out here...I am thankful it is not worse than it is, and thank you all for being so supportive and praying for me. It means so much to know that you're doing that for me and it gives me the strength I need. Thank you <3

brittany_mac @ 2006-08-12T22:38:00

2006-08-13T03:42:10Z

My leg has gotten a lot worse. It's definitely not good timing with school starting in a few weeks..because I have a lot more trouble walking now, and going up stairs, and the constant pain can get pretty unbearable sometimes. Oh, and my hands suck again. And my whole left arm now hurts occasionally.

Man...this is making me get all worried about school because I honestly don't think I'll be able to handle walking around campus and up and down flights of stairs...I'm honestly getting scared about it. And I still haven't heard anything about that clinic in Maryland cuz the dude hasn't contacted my doctor yet...and as for the new increase in pain and decrease in feeling this week, my doc wants to put me on yet another med but it has to wait til after my EMG...it should help with the pain, but make me pretty tired. I'm already tired all the time haha so school is definitely going to suck...I really could use some prayer because just thinking about it is certainly not going to make me feel any better, physically or mentally...thanks guys and God bless!

Blahdeblahdeeblah

2006-08-07T00:04:16Z

You know what I was supposed to do this summer? Actually, I was supposed to do it LAST summer, then all my stupid medical crap had to happen and mess up my schedule. But anyway...I was supposed to skydive. Dag nabit! I still need to do this. I wonder how long they stay open....I will keep you all updated...hopefully, I will soon be falling out of an airplane, thousands of feet above the earth with my life in the hands of a trained professional that I happen to be strapped to. I can't wait!

Update

2006-08-02T18:06:35Z

Well, I had an MRI and appointment with the MS specialist. He still doesn't have a clear answer for me but I didn't expect one. I'll see him again in 6 months, and another MRI in a year. Anywho, the MRI showed that the tumor on my spinal cord was restricting the spinal fluid a lot actually, and he's kind of worried about that...he says we have to watch it carefully because I only have one spine haha but if we have to watch it carefully, what will waiting a year to scan it again do? I don't quite get that...he said later down the road surgery might be a possibility, but I don't know if that's only if I start to have problems or what...he also thinks I'm losing strength in my right leg now and wants me to get an EMG done, ugh. But I really think I'm fine, the "tests" to see my strength consist of him pushing on my legs and feet and me trying to resist...not very accurate but good enough to compare strengths of limbs. I'm just grumpy I need another EMG done haha. There was also a new spot on my brain, but I think it was just scar tissue..he didn't seem concerned and said it wasn't active.

Later that day, I saw my usual oncologist and he was kind of worried about the new lumps I have in my arm. Not that he thinks they're dangerous, but the fact that they grew in there pretty fast means my medicine is not doing it's job...so he's going to be calling a colleague at NIH which is in Maryland. I don't remember much about this place, but when I first started seeing my doctor and we talked about treatment options, this was one of them. Basically all I know is I'd get shipped over there for scans and some kind of treatments, and the airfare and lodging would all be covered and stuff..I don't remember much but he said to me "You might have to take a trip soon..." and that has me worried that this may be a reality...so now we need to figure out what to do since my meds are probably not working and school is about to start in a few weeks and this is making me stressed! Prayer would be apprieciated...thanks :) God bless!

Britt 'o Lumps

2006-07-18T02:42:19Z

Pffffft....some tomorrow morning I have to go get an MRI now...a few weeks ago, I found a new, rather large fibroma on my left upper arm, kinda on the inside. I showed my parents and we decided to just bring it up to my doc next time we went in. However, just a couple days ago I found a couple more pretty big ones in the same area...now, I'm not really WORRIED about them, but my mom called my doc to see if he wanted us to wait for my appointment or come in early. He talked with my neurologist as well, and rather than have an appointment made he wanted me in for an MRI ASAP because apparently, "they're not supposed to do that." Hahaha. Honestly, my arm just like exploded with a cluster of freakishly huge fibromas...luckily only one is near the surface so it's only slightly raised, but it's quite disgusting to feel the sheer size of these bad boys. I'm kinda excited to see how they're gonna look on my scans =P I'll update with what happens, but it's just gonna be the same ol' same ol' nothing to worry about. I think I'll suggest they slice open my arm and go in with an ice cream scoop. God bless!

Realization

2006-07-15T19:14:56Z

I left Sonshine early. Despite a heavy rainstorm that flattened our tent, drenched everything, and forced us to sleep in the car for the night, I was having a lot of fun (it was fun to laugh at the next morning, which was hot and sunny). But my best friend's younger sister Sarah brought 2 high maitenance friends who wanted to go home because they "weren't having fun," but I know that they were upset about their hair (which they spent near 2 hours on) and they kept ditching Sarah. I felt bad for Sarah, because she seemed to want to stay but was also upset with her friends so she just wanted to leave. So Ang decided she'd go home too since she didn't really know any bands. I wasn't mad at her...just disappointed at how easy it was for her to give up on our tradition and go home. I wanted to stay and see some bands and have FUN at Sonshine. So I stayed. But unfortunately, my other friends around Sonshine had either left, or didn't come up in the first place. So I had zero friends, just the adults at our campsite. A couple bands had cancelled as well, so I was in a pretty terrible mood last night and didn't even go to a couple shows. I was so upset because earlier in the week, I had such a strong feeling that I was going to feel much better spiritually after Sonshine. While lying in my tent alone, praying/talking to God, things suddenly became crystal clear to me, and the tears stop and I felt calm.

I realized that I was relying too much on Sonshine to be like a drug that would give me a spiritual high. Too often, people use Christian-driven events like this to temporarily boost their faith, and while it is exhilirating to come home refreshed with a new hunger for Christ, it will only dwindle as the weeks go on. Being surrounded by thousands of other Christians with Christian music, booths, activities...you name it, gives you not only a sense of unity but makes you feel like you can conquer anything standing in the way of your relationship with Christ. I saw many people wearing shirts with bold declarations of faith, rather than the cutesy play on words/logo shirts. Once Sonshine is done, will those shirts ever be worn again or will they remain in the bottom of a drawer? How many people opened their Bibles and fervently read them at Sonshine, only to return it's position as a coaster once they go home? I am not saying all of the people who go are like this, but only that I can relate. Before even going to Sonshine this year, I was already positive that it would make things 100% better for me, and that I would have to put almost no effort into it. How wrong was I! I am so glad that I had a terrible time, because it opened my eyes which were screwed shut to this. I can't use something like Sonshine as a pill to fix my relationship with Christ. Sure, it can help, but it is not up to a Christian event to fix my life, it is up to ME. I need to give 100% of my heart and my life to Christ, and I do not need an event like this to say when I should do that. I don't like living a mountain-top-experience life, and yet again I am relieved that I left Sonshine early with a fairly poor experience.

God did answer my prayer that something big would happen at Sonshine. It was without a doubt the complete opposite of what I thought would happen, but that is exactly how God can work. He is amazing...truly amazing. God bless all of you!

Insomniaaa

2006-07-12T06:49:44Z

I hate when I get insomnia attacks...usually I get knocked out about an hour or two after taking my meds haha but some nights I just can't fall asleep. Just like tonight, pfffft.

Lesson for the day: Do NOT microwave an orange roughy fillet while still in it's vacuum sealed wrapper. It will explode loudly, causing the wrapper to shoot off of it and fish residue to splatter all over the microwave (but miraculously, the fillet will stay neatly on the plate!)

Current book: The Poisonwood Bible. I really am enjoying it, and I find it very interesting...I suggest checking it out.

This is a lonnng one

2006-07-10T19:34:18Z

Wow it's been a long time. But nearly everyone who used to LJ all the time has stopped as well so I guess I'm just a copy cat :P Anywho...last night was an awesome, AWESOME show...at least the line up was great (Frost Like Ashes, Crimson Thorn, Aletheian, Becoming the Archetype, and CRIMSON MOONLIGHT!!!), but I'm never really a fan of shows at bars cuz the stage area is never good, and then the crowds are always lame...there was no moshing last night :( My buddy Nick and I polka'd around the floor once during Crimson Thorn haha but everyone was STILL stationary. Boo.

I haven't been to a show in so long, it was really refreshing...not only to get to headbang and see great bands perform, but also because of their messages and the fact that these guys are up there, sharing their music for the Lord and willing to talk to everyone after about Christ...whenever I hear them praise Jesus and offer their words on Christ as well as prayers it always gives me a boost, especially if it's a mix between secular and Christian bands. It was great hearing all their words, whether spoken or screamed/growled hehe.

Today, I feel much better than I have the past few weeks, spiritually and mentally...I don't know what my problem has been this summer, but I know that over the last semester when things were going downhill for me I was struggling to keep my faith strong...I had no doubts in God, I was not angry at Him, I just started to slip away as I got caught up in school and medical stuff. And I hoped that when summer started it would all change, but it hasn't. And I know that it is my fault; I am not doing enough to rebuild my relationship with Him. But I know that I have people praying for me, and I still pray, and slowly I am getting there..I just wish it wasn't slowly and I am ashamed of myself for not doing a better job. But as I walked away from the venue last night, after talking with some of the people there I felt such peace. I still feel that peace today, which I never feel at work on Mondays because they're stressful days...and it is such a nice change. I feel stronger already, and with Sonshine coming up I am very convinced that something big is going to happen in my life and my relationship with Him...I know I can do this, and I know I have people praying for me. It would be nice to have more of them face to face, but I am thankful that I have the couple people I can talk to about faith in real life, and the many people through the internet who I can talk to, ask advice from, and ask for prayer. It means so much to me to have these brothers and sisters in Christ and I am truly blessed. I was thinking about that the whole ride home and it only added to the feeling of peace and comfort I was filled with. I really felt Jesus last night and I can still feel Him today...He is so amazing and is never too busy for me, even if I have let myself become too busy for Him.

I am going to make these changes, I am going to fix my life, I am going to return to Him and become strong once again! I ask all of you (all two or three hehe) to please pray for me that I will not disappoint Him or myself again, and that I have the strength, discipline, and courage to rebuild my relationship to what it once was and take it even further. I know it won't happen overnight, but I know it could definitely be going faster than it is. Thank you everyone, and God bless all of you!